Patience and Faith
This past week I got to spend time at my dad's house, the house that I grew up in and love. Being there makes me happy and at the same time sad and filled with worry. I am sad that I can't keep everything the same as when my mom was there and worried that I am not doing enough to help my dad and sister. While I am there I try to do as much as I can for them, I try to take care of everyone- even more so than when I am not there. I am by nature a caretaker. I work best when I can be taking care of things for others and it makes me feel good. I'm afraid it also drives me crazy. I do not like when I am not in control of a situation or maybe it is more accurate to say that I just want to know what is going to happen. Kevin often looks at me and reminds me to breathe.
I've learned in the past three years and more recently in the last 9 months that I simply cannot plan the things in my life that once upon a time thought I could. I was naive to think so. Life is going to be full of unexpected joys and sadness and no matter how I try most of the big things are going to happen how they may and I need to go with it.
That said- I also need to learn to be patient for the things I once thought I could plan and learned that I cannot. Doesn't it seem that when you want something- it happens to everyone else so easily?
I have faith the things in my life that I cannot have right now will someday be there, now I am working on the patience part. Kevin seems to have enough for the two of us. :)